Your Face, A Poem By Eddie Myles, Jr.

I used to close my eyes and draw you
Your eyes, that mouth, those lips
The way your hair would tumble
And the roundness of your hips

Lots of people wonder
If they are remembered
But I just can’t forget
All the times that we surrendered

I was forced to disavow you
To act with youthful guile
Denied how you would haunt me
With ideas about my child

I can’t recall much else now
The past is not recorded
The voices and their meaning
Are just whispers, they’re distorted

But if I let myself loose
I can see just what you’re wearing
I can feel the place I lived
And the life that I was fearing

I’m older now and so are you
And so our lives would be
If I could have been the man
You always thought I’d be

I don’t quite really know
What exactly I’ve become
I know I’ve never let myself
Again, with anyone

Or anything that’d bring me joy
I’ve lived my life with torture
But even though I’ve often tried
My time’s not any shorter

I think I’m stuck in a place and time
When I was someone different
And the only thing I think I know
Is how I failed our mission

I don’t dwell in the past
There’s too much pain back there
That’s why I hate my memory
But I still can smell your hair

I’ve destroyed our pictures
But there’s a camera hidden where
I can’t use a candle
And, no, it isn’t fair

Maybe it’s my nature
Or that I’m the sex that isn’t fair
But I have rationalized you
And been convinced that I don’t care

It’s how I keep on living
And forgetting what was true
It’s the way I’ve never shed
Even a single tear for you

But while that may seem heartless
There is a final saving grace:
While I may forget what we once were,
I will remember - your face